My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
