His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
