That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
