He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
