she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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