why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
