but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
