dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
