how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
