She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
