i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
