she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
