I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
