Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

Fav 5 995 1675
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(912): View more from Georgia

He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.

Fav 14 892 2294
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(586): View more from Michigan

When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach

Fav 24 3953 2478
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(858): View more from California

you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

Fav 43 9165 1789
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(317): View more from Indiana

Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

Fav 60 1779 7082
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.

Fav 7 1843 4326
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

Fav 6 3962 1091
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(229): View more from Georgia

I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!

Fav 1 556 299
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her

Fav 3 67 14
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