saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so let's talk penis.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
