Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
