bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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