You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
