just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize