would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As shirtless as possible
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
