drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize