Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
