He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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