i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
