I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
