He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
