Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
