i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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