she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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