I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
