new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
try to milk me bitch
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