We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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