If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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