Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
