hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
