omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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