you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize