I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
are you so shy because you have an std?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
