To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
