I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
