SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize