It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
