home. puking in laundry basket.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
