Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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