how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
