Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
