i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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