you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize