Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
