I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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