you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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