Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
