My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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