I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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