Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
