I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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