i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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