I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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