the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
high people should be assigned attendants
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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