tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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