the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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