I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
