Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
