All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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