Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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