You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize