I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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