He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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