Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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