is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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