Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
