just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Are my feet made of real feet?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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