the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
